Freddie: Really, Sam? You’re gonna let a guy with the intelligence of a mannequin give you Viagra when he doesn’t even know what it is? 
Cort: What does mannequin mean? 
Freddie: It means I’m her boyfriend so get out!
Sam: Ignore him, sweetie. He’s just having a bit of a shark week. 

Cort: I brought you guys this.
Carly: Awwww, thanks! What is it?
Cort: It’s lemonade. But I told my cousin about this new job, and he told me to mix it with this stuff called Viagra. I have no idea what it’s for, but he said it would make you really happy!

Spencer: Diedre, I need you to understand something. This isn’t to make you feel jealous or anything. What we had was special…great fun, great food…great sex…I haven’t forgotten! What I’m trying to say is that-
Diedre: Spencer, I’m not jealous of your infertile inanimate plastic girlfriend. 
Spencer: Well, that kinda stung. 

Spencer: Okay, just a little further. Yeeep. Perfec-
Diedre: Spencer? What are you doing here? And what is that?
Spencer: Oh, this. This is uh, my new girlfriend. Um, her name’s…Peppa.
Diedre: Uh huh. Spencer, that’s a robot made of soda bottles.
Spencer: Yeah, she’s not exactly fertile, but neither am I. I think that’s what brought us together. 

Sam: Enjoying yourself there, Freddikins?

Cort: My favorite person is my grandma. She tells me that I have to wait for the right person and marry them before I give in, whatever that means, but she’s awesome.
Carly: I’m not even straight, If for whatever reason Sam doesn’t want you anymore, can I have you? 

Brad: I’m not all that experienced, really. I like it when the girl is the dominant one, though.
Sam: Hey, me too! I like you.
Freddie: I thought you liked it when I fight back. 

Stacey: Sometimes, I like to use eggs. But my specialty…is swords. I have a whole set of gold plated ones, and even an exact replica of the Sword of Gryffindor.
Carly: You’re a freak! Stay away from Sam!